Theology of Church as Family: From Me to We
- Matthew Bohling
- Oct 8
- 3 min read
In our latest Church Renewal Podcast episode, we explored the fascinating intersection between family systems theory and church dynamics. Churches, like families, are complex systems that naturally seek stability—for better or worse. When that equilibrium is built around dysfunction, congregations instinctively resist change, even when that change represents healthy, Spirit-led transformation.
The conversation began by examining the family motif throughout Scripture. From Adam being described as "the son of God" to believers being "adopted as sons" in Christ, the Bible consistently uses family language to describe our relationship with God and with one another. This isn't coincidental—it reveals that we were fundamentally designed for family relationships. The ultimate goal of our personal relationship with God is to take our proper place in His family.
One of the most illuminating parts of our discussion centered on the contrast between Western individualism and biblical community. Western culture has embraced an extreme form of individualism that runs counter to Scripture's emphasis on interconnectedness. The idea that "I am an island" and don't need anyone else represents a profound misunderstanding of human design. As C.S. Lewis poignantly illustrated in "The Great Divorce," complete isolation is more characteristic of hell than heaven. Conversely, Eastern collectivism, while better capturing the importance of community, can sometimes suppress individual identity and conscience through shame and conformity pressures.
Jesus models a perfect middle way—what family systems theorists call "differentiation of self." This involves maintaining your own values and goals while remaining emotionally connected to others, even when facing pressure to conform. Jesus remained faithful to His mission while staying deeply connected to people. He didn't become a disconnected loner, nor did He surrender His values to please the crowd.
We discussed two critical elements that cannot be self-manufactured but must be received: identity and acceptance. These core needs are meant to be received first from God and then reflected in community. When Jesus was baptized and later transfigured, the Father declared, "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased"—providing both identity and acceptance. This pattern is meant to be replicated in healthy church communities, where believers offer each other genuine identity and acceptance grounded in the gospel.
Church dysfunction often stems from forgetting our gospel identity and acceptance. When we try to work for what should be received as a gift, we create systems of fear, guilt, and shame. Many churches attempt to address dysfunction through better teaching alone—which is necessary but insufficient. The deeper solution involves helping people internalize the gospel at the core of their identity and relationships.
For church leaders seeking renewal, understanding these family system dynamics is crucial. Transformation isn't merely about better content (though that matters) but about addressing the underlying processes and relationships. Leaders must recognize how congregations naturally resist change and develop strategies that work with, rather than against, these systemic realities.
The episode concluded by emphasizing that healthy church communities reflect the Trinity—unified yet distinct, authoritative yet loving, structured yet relational. When churches embrace this biblical vision of differentiated community, they create spaces where people can experience the identity and acceptance they were designed for—a foretaste of the eternal family of God.
For those struggling with church dysfunction or resistance to change, remember that these challenges aren't unique to your congregation. They reflect universal dynamics in human systems that can be understood, addressed, and transformed through gospel-centered renewal.
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