Jack Shitama Pt 2: Leading Through the Anxiety
- Matthew Bohling
- Oct 16
- 2 min read
In the second part of our enlightening conversation with Jack Shatama, author of "Anxious Church, Anxious People" and "If You Met My Family, You'd Understand," we delve deeper into the practical application of family systems theory and self-differentiation for Christian leaders.
The journey toward becoming a differentiated, non-anxious leader isn't just about intellectual understanding—it requires intentional practice. As Jack emphasizes, "Insight is not enough." Many Christian leaders grasp the concept of self-differentiation intellectually but struggle with the practical implementation. The gap between knowing and doing can feel like "a new law without power" for Christians seeking to grow in this area.
What makes this conversation particularly powerful is the exploration of how the gospel uniquely empowers Christians to differentiate. Jack notes that "the gospel lets people afford to differentiate." While differentiation is costly—potentially destabilizing systems and relationships—Christians have a solid foundation in Christ that makes it possible. Jesus himself exemplifies perfect differentiation, knowing his identity and purpose while facing immense pressure from those around him.
The intersection between spiritual formation and differentiation emerges as a central theme. Jack frames self-differentiation as "growing in our mind and likeness of Christ" through God's grace working in and through us. This perspective transforms differentiation from merely a psychological concept into a spiritual discipline. Jesus, as "the epitome of the non-anxious presence," provides both the model and the means for our growth.
Practical strategies for differentiation receive significant attention. Jack outlines a three-part approach: preparation before difficult conversations (clarifying what matters to you), mindful presence during the interaction (including the valuable practice of pausing), and reflection afterward (examining what happened and how you might improve). This cycle of preparation, presence, and reflection creates a framework for ongoing growth.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn when discussing cultural shifts toward shame-based dynamics. In today's polarized environment, expressing agreement with someone from "the other side" often triggers shame responses. Jack observes that cultures oscillate between prioritizing togetherness (stability but conformity) and self-definition (freedom but chaos). The challenge for Christians is to model a healthier alternative—maintaining both clear self-definition and genuine connection with others, even those with whom we disagree.
Perhaps most poignantly, Jack identifies a critical need in Christian communities: "learning to love other Christians that disagree with us." This challenge operates at both macro and micro levels. At the macro level, it means maintaining relationships across theological and political divides. At the micro level, it involves developing practical skills for self-regulation and emotional management.
For pastors and ministry leaders, this conversation offers both theological grounding and practical wisdom. The path to becoming a non-anxious, differentiated leader isn't found in simply trying harder, but in growing more deeply rooted in Christ while developing specific habits that promote self-awareness and emotional regulation. As we embrace this journey, we not only become more effective leaders but also more faithful representatives of Jesus—the ultimate example of differentiated, non-anxious presence in a world of anxiety and pressure.
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